Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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