i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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