: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
