You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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