This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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