The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
