I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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