Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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