he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
