I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize