He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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