um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh god it's open bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
