Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
