"it" just moved
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize