apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
