2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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