this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
