First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
