i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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