lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
