Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
