I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
