Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
