just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
