Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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