He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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