i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I deserve this hangover.
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