You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
