is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
