i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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