I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
