sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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