Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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