I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
