I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
