woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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