exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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