I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
