And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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