Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
