then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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