Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize