Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
