I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
