I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
