where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
