I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize