Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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