your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
