I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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