& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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