Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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