____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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