chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize