Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
