I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
