Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
