He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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