NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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