man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
