hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
