ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
