I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
