Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize