Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
