I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
