Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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