I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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