Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
