so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
